Needs to be rewritten for a better essay. The thesis is not strong and the essay


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Needs to be rewritten for a better essay. The thesis is not strong and the essay needs to be in third person not first or second.
Commentary thesis: Tell us what you plan to focus on in your essay. It should be arguable and take a stance on the issue, much like a persuasive essay. Also, keep in mind, you want your thesis to be a statement about the trend and who it affects.
What is your stance on the trend? How is it significant? Whom does it affect?
An easy way to organize the thesis is:
State the trend__________(is it beneficial/detrimental)______________to (Society/community/Group/ etc.)________________.
E.g.
The hidden dangers of ADHD medication are made worse by the negligence of doctors and drug companies to the great detriment of those who are coping with ADHD.Hi Crystal! Remember to avoid first and second person. Review this webpage on avoiding writing in the first person and/or Second person:

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